This week I’m doing a bonus video on persistence because I was presented with what would seem like a failure and loss of vision.
I allowed myself to 1) Forget the goal and the plan and 2) open myself up to negative and discouraging influences.
Here’s how this happened. Sometimes I get caught up with the idea that I want to build a house. I think that by designing and building a home that I created, then I can show people what my ideas are, how they are built and how they feel differently than a traditionally built home. I think it’s a brilliant plan. I often sketch design and find property where I can build this first house.
This weekend I thought about how I just sold my property I had purchased to (hopefully) accomplish this goal, but now it’s sold. I made several thousand dollars profit, which is great, so now I think I can buy a different property that really expresses my design ideas. It’s a 1-1/2 acre wooded lot, perfect for a Usonian home, like Frank Lloyd Wright designed and built. It’s a home that is kept so simple that it could be build within the $200k budget we could secure as an investment property.
I had hoped I could present it to my husband in a way to garner his support. We discussed it while driving to our daughter’s basketball game Saturday morning, he listened. Sunday morning he retorted. He reminded me of our expenses and my lack of steady income. All the things that I don’t see as a problem. I believe when we jump the net appears. I have no fear related to money, I have no fear related to my ability to pay a car payment – which is his primary concern. I have no fear in the possibilities of making money when I need to while still keeping this life that I love.
But what happened was he hooked an anchor onto my boat. He wants me to get a full-time job, one that could make all the money and then we can build the investment property. I was willing to give his idea some merit and see the situation for the facts, the reality, if you will. And for about a day or so I entertained his perspective, I know I could apply and work for several local firms this week perhaps. I searched on my computer for an old resume. Didn’t find one. I looked through my file and found a paper copy from 2001. Then I decided to get out my canvas and start sketching my crystals. Don’t follow this train of thought? I had to stop the incessant train of thoughts that said: I could make more money if I worked full time, or if you would just get a steady paycheck, we could do that project you want to do. This is not how I want to believe. I don’t just want to see life as it seems to be presenting itself, how it IS. I want to create my own reality. And so here is how I shifted this seemingly desolate situation into one of hope.
I sketched my crystals. I thought about how fun it would be to make architectural like drawings of crystals. I could earn money from commissions from crystal sketches. I remembered how Eckhart Tolle said that when we appreciate the beauty in nature, then nature appreciates the beauty in itself. This could go for a flower, a tree, a crystal, anything like that in nature contains consciousness at some level. And so I changed my perspective.
The part I didn’t talk about much, is Sunday night when I felt like crap because I let my vibration dip down to that of not having money. I aligned myself with lack, with my husband’s line of thinking that I “should” be working full time as an architect or I “have to” have a steady job to have steady flow of money. And it was not a feeling I liked.
I also meditated on this idea, was it right for me to go work for a firm in town? Would that bring the peace and prosperity I was seeking? Maybe my kids were old enough that my time “at home” was done. What came to me when I asked* aka sought answers from my inner wisdom: Wait a day or two. And so I sketched crystals, and made cookies with my kids. I made several delicious meals, I must say, and realized how I felt like my purpose was to be here cooking with my kids. I don’t know how working until 5:30 every evening could be my purpose right now. And so I waited.
The good news is, I didn’t have to wait long. 8:15 AM Tuesday morning the phone rang. It was an electrician I worked with on a recent commercial project (one that was very difficult for me and I could not see at the time why I even got into this situation). He asked if I would help him on a project, and four hours later I had a check for what some people would consider a week’s wages. He called back and asked if I’d be willing to work on another project, more than three times what this one paid. And I had my confirmation. It’s like I shared over the weekend, one dollar for two suckers at a basketball game is as easy to manifest as $500 for a car payment, when you are present and believe in yourself.
So to bring this back to persistence, I am reminded that I am a conscious creator. I have a purpose and a plan, be it a ‘loose’ plan. And I will keep pursuing it with a mind closed tightly against all negative and discouraging influences.